So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
