Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
