Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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