Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
