I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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