hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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