They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
