Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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