I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
