Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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