Dual....:-)
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
