Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
