Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
