i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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