If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
