i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
