I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
