These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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