Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Mom said you looked used
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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