God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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