Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
