I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
