Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just made my gag reflex go away.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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