I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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