dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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