he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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