watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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