Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So many bounce houses so little time
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
