While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
