I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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