went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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