PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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