So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
