Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
