she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
