brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
