We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
