One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
