Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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