She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
