My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
