u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
