My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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