I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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