cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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