1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
