my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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