So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
