I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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