you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
