There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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