She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
