I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
