White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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