i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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