I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
