So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
