Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
