I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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