its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
