i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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