i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
