I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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