I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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