I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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