I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
