last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
