I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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