maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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