Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
