forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
