So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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