i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
