you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
