don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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